Can you adore another being, without being in love with yourself?
This one was a discussion I often refuse to have or dwell into, because I simply think that loving and respecting yourself is a completely different and unrelated matter to giving out love towards others.
You can be completely miserable and charitable at the same time, caring about other people, fighting on the causes you are passionate about, etc etc.
But I guess, a personal relationship does not belong in the same pile.
It is difficult to respect somebody, a particular person, when you don’t hold up the same values for yourself.
I guess it’s cliche for me to say, but the way you treat and expect to be treated by other people is the reflection of how you feel about yourself,
and how you expect to be treated by yourself as well.
My therapist once told me, that there are two kinds of people when it comes to love and loving. There are those who are full of love and are self-sufficient, so when they meet a partner of equal self-sufficiency, they are looking to give out and exchange energies. Sure, one might be a level above the other, but they are fulfilling each other and ultimately balancing each other out. Like a perfect mixology.
And then there are ones that came out empty handed. They searched for love in order to fill the deserted space they have within them. All they do is take, take and take, eventually leaving both in the relationship exhausted and drained to the bone. Because they were looking for love, but what they get from their partner, was not the kind of love they were looking for.
Love that others give you, whilst it offers temporary comfort, it would not sustain you, not like self-love could anyway.
So, up to this point of my life, I don’t think we can love others when we cannot radiate the same love towards ourselves. We would end up looking for the wrong kind of love, in the wrong person.
We would always demand them to prioritise us, focus on us, hold us and love us, but get this, nothing, NOTHING would ever feel enough. No matter what they say or what they do. We would always ask for more, more, more, until either one eventually gets drained and pushed to the point of absolute exhaustion.
We cannot trick ourselves, thinking that we are loving ourselves by loving another, because that is simply against the algorithm that the universe had put out.
The love that we give to ourselves and the love we receive from external beings, are two completely different things. It is so incredibly sad to want to radiate love to another person and have it blocked by a giant metal wall of self-hatred and disgust.
Work on tearing down your walls, fill your entire being with such saturated self adoration to the point where you feel like you were going to explode.
Then, you can start thinking about spreading that overflowing love to the person you know deserve it the most.
written on June 9, 2018.